Why I Shouldn't Be Allowed in the Kitchen

I don't think I'm necessarily a clumsy person, but for some reason I'm always doing dumb stuff in the kitchen. And since I've been spending a lot more time in there, my list of recent mishaps is long!

It started when I threw some bok choy trimmings down the garbage disposal and it came to a sudden halt. Apparently bok choy is a lot stringier than I realized and the celery-like threads wrapped around the blades until it couldn't move. I hate sticking my hands into the garbage disposal and it took us hours of scraping to get it all out. I was so glad it wasn't broken, but I'll never put anything questionable down there again!

I've also had a few minor injuries. First I was trying to get a pit out of an avocado, the knife slipped and the blade smacked down on the side of my index finger. It hurt pretty bad, but luckily wasn't too serious.

Then a few days later I was grating some carrots and I grated off part of my pinkie knuckle. That one was pretty bad. It's been a few months and it still doesn't look right...

But the worst thing so far happened last night. I was having a late night snack attack and there were no chips or crackers to be found. I did find some corn tortillas so I threw one in the toaster oven. I figured I could toast it until it was crunchy and then break it up into chips. When it finished toasting, it wasn't quite crispy enough to break. So, I put it back in for another round.

Meanwhile I went to look for something in the other room. I looked and looked and looked and ... forgot all about my toasting tortilla. I strolled back in the kitchen a minute later and the toaster oven was filled with flames! My tortilla was on fire!

I panicked, ran over and pulled open the toaster over door. The flames shot out, so I let it slam shut and tried to figure out what to do. My mind raced - Can I blow it out like a candle? Should I throw water on it? Where is the fire extinguisher and how does it even work? Oh my god, I'm gonna burn the house down!

As I stared, paralyzed, I realized the flames were starting to die down as the tortilla slowly disintegrated. It was putting itself out - we were safe! Then I noticed the smoke and started running around like a crazy person trying to get all the windows open and the fans on. It was a race against the smoke alarms.

Somehow I won because they never sounded! But our house was filled with smell of burnt corn (and maybe burnt toaster oven). Not good.

Pat got home just minutes after the smoke began to clear. Thankfully he just laughed and shook his head.

I thought I could just clean out the char and the toaster over would be good as new, but Pat's convinced it's, well, toast.

So, I think the moral of the story is: if it's late and there's no good snacks in the house. Don't try and get creative - just go to bed!

Good night!